


The Precious

by Mercutio



Series: Snipers Do It From A Distance; Assassins Do It From Behind [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Deadpool (2016), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: But it's Deadpool, Comic Book Violence, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Deadpool being Deadpool, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Animal Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Inappropriate Humor, Multi, My tour guide said so, Non-consensual masturbation of humans by dolphins is a real thing, Not Canon Compliant, Sorry Not Sorry, Steve Rogers is a jerk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-29 00:14:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13915269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercutio/pseuds/Mercutio
Summary: Deadpool's screening of Captain America's Forced Tropical Vacation With Bonus XXX Underwater Action Reel, tonight only for an appreciative audience of His Ex and Her Snipers Who Are Almost As Good As Me!





	The Precious

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A Rebellious House](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13734531) by [Mercutio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercutio/pseuds/Mercutio). 



> At this point, anyone else would call this a series. I maintain they all happen in separate universes.

James and Clint sat with Darcy on the couch in front of her television, Darcy squooshed between them as Clint fought with James for control of the remote. Behind them stood the new person who had been introduced to Darcy as "Bat-shit crazy, but good people", "Inexcusably AND excessively violent!", "Threat level high; kill to incapacitate", "Un-alive!", "Fun to spar with", "Excellent martial skills; no need to hold back" and "Did you know my uniform is skin-tight?" depending on which combination of people she had been speaking with at the time. The stranger -- Stranger? New friend? Costumed loony? -- had delivered a video which he promised contained footage that "you will absolududeludely wanna see. You will all owe me blowjobs forever! And the one's from Weasel's!" from Captain America's unplanned tropical vacation.

"I get to push Play!"

"Hey! Let's make sure Jarvis gets a copy of it first!"

"Mine!"

"Hah! It's playing now! I win!"

And that was just Darcy and Clint.

"See the look on his face? Enjoying it, playing with the one dolphin, then realizing it's *playing* with him. And when the whole pod of dolphins swarms him!" the red and black clad figure emoted gleefully. "Oh, yeah, gotta love the mass bestiality too -- notice, no consent given by the good captain, nosiree -- followed by the flailing, then -- cue it to pot'o'clock -- the *best* part -- after he starts flinging the poor dolphins off of him, he catches sight of lil ol' *me* filming him!"

Darcy froze as she heard the critical words. Steve. Catches sight. Of me. And what did an angry supersoldier do? To this new whatever-he-was? Then jerked from her seat, slapping at Clint to get him to stop fighting with James so that they could find the right place in the video, before focusing her attention on the fit of the skintight suit the standing man wore. "Are you okay? Did the jerk say anything…?"

Her hands came up, reaching out to skim his uniform for hidden tears covering injuries. Behind her, she heard Clint exclaim, "What the fuck?! That's sick, dude! I didn't believe he could find a new low to stoop to, but damn."

Deadpool glanced to the right, at no one at all (hi!) -- at NO ONE!! SSH! NO ONE! -- and as he did this, the rest of the scene froze as Darcy's panicked face, eyes already wetting with tears, was revealed, her unbuttoned flannel shirt spread open, ample breasts apparent under a thin white undershirt. The camera went sideways, and on the screen of the television a small blonde pig-tailed toddler ran into the frame.

The camera pulled back further, revealing Deadpool holding a bouquet of red, white and blue roses behind his back, with little hearts in his eyes. James held a laughing Clint to his left side in his metal arm, the archer collapsed with mirth while the Winter Soldier apparently sat stolidly in place -- or so you might think until you saw the unholy gleam in his eyes or the shit-eating grin he wore.

"Ooh! Did I forget to mention I was wearing my image inducer at the time?"


End file.
